Marianna Barbowski

Delaying a Divorce Procedure Can Be Costly

November 17, 2016 By Marianna Barbowski

While you may have your own reasons for postponing the divorce process, “Delaying is costly, causes financial frustration and ruins mediations. …Time is money,” according to a Huffington Post article entitled “Delaying a Divorce Procedure Is Like Creating a Time Bomb.”

The longer you put off your divorce, the more hours the attorney, mediators and other professionals who are helping you will spend on continual meetings and phone calls, and the higher the bills. The continuing financial frustration can amplify the negative emotions around divorce procedures, and can damage the fairness of even the most caring spouses.

There are people who delay their divorces indefinitely—for a lifetime. Warren Buffett remained amicably married to his wife after they separated in 1977 until her death in 2004, although he lived with another woman for decades, reported the New York Times. “We understand the expeditious voyage from separation to divorce, the desire for a clear-cut ending that makes way for a clear-cut beginning,” wrote Pamela Paul. “But couples that stubbornly remain separated, sometimes for years? That leaves us dumbfounded.” She refers to them as “the un-divorced.”

Not surprisingly, the chief motive for separating but remaining married is financial. It can be very challenging for couples that have already agreed they are done with their marriage to navigate the financial complexities of joint taxes, rights to pensions, Social Security and health insurance. These issues can foster feelings of inertia that make it even harder to get on with a divorce.

Paul cited the case of a mother of two who had stayed separated for nearly two years. She and her husband were in new relationships, but when she thought about health insurance and the desire to avoid legal fees, she said, I feel like we could just drift on like this for years.”

One benefit of delaying divorce for some people is that staying married provides an excuse for not remarrying. Conversely, meeting a person you want to spend the rest of your life with can accelerate your decision to divorce.

The seasoned family law and divorce lawyers at the McGrath Law Firm, founded by attorney Peter McGrath, will walk you through every step of the challenging divorce process to address your concerns and achieve your goals as efficiently as possible. From spousal support, child support, fault, and equitable division of property and debt to valuations, pre-nuptial agreements, and restraining orders, the experienced attorneys at McGrath Law Firm have a successful track record in all aspects of divorce law. Call us to schedule your consultation at (800) 283-1380.

Divorces Rise at Certain Times of Year

November 14, 2016 By Marianna Barbowski

To every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose, and the same goes for your divorce. Findings of a recent study by Julie Brines and Brian Serafini of the University of Washington made the news in August, after the researches demonstrated that there is a definite and consistent season when couples are more likely to divorce: in winter, after the holiday season.

According to a report on the research findings in the Washington Post, the December holidays can be a time of increased stress, whether from disappointed expectations of happiness or trying interactions with extended family members. “People tend to face the holidays with rising expectations, despite what disappointments they might have had in years past,” Brines said. The emotional stress during these times can contribute to the decision by some to end their marriages. “Holidays may be a time of pent-up demand for divorce that gets released in the subsequent months as spouses file their paperwork to split up,” according to the Post. During the holidays, emotions run high. If you are unhappy or angry in your marriage, the holidays may push your feelings to the breaking point (Huffington Post).

According to findlaw.com, searches for “divorce” and related phrases such as “family law” and “child custody” jump by 50 percent in January, and continued to surge through March. The acceleration in January can be due to the fact that couples that have decided to divorce postpone it until after their children have enjoyed the winter holidays with an intact family. This is what Brines and Serafini called “the calendar of ‘domestic rituals’ that govern contemporary American family life. Winter and summer holidays are ‘culturally sacred’ times—nobody chooses to file for divorce on Christmas or the Fourth of July.

Another suggested reason for divorcing during the earliest months of the year: income tax. A person’s marital status as of December 31 determines whether that person will file a joint or an individual return for the year. The economic downturn may have affected divorce timing.

Certified divorce consultant Cathy Meyer may have summed it up most efficiently in the Huffington Post: “Look, there’s no good time to divorce. If you’re going to do it, January is as good as any time. It’s no more or less painful than it is in June. Divorce is ultimately a very personal decision, and what’s best for you doesn’t have anything to do with the date on the calendar.”

Older Adults and “Gray Divorce”

November 7, 2016 By Marianna Barbowski

According to a study from Bowling Green State University, the divorce rate for U.S. adults ages 50 and older doubled in the 20 years between 1990 and 2010. When you divorce later in life, unfortunately, you have less time to recover from the economic hit. According to AP,” While the challenges of a so-called ‘gray divorce’ are similar to those of a divorce at any age, factors like limited working years ahead, complicated assets, adult children may magnify the difficulties.”

Retirement: Your gray divorce will have an impact on whether you will have enough money for a secure retirement. Older adults, particularly women who have spent many years out of the workforce, are unlikely to recoup the financial losses associated with divorce, said Georgia financial planner Terri Munro (AP). Alimony is less common than it used to be. Fortunately, if you have been married for more than 10 years, you’re entitled to half of your ex-spouse’s Social Security benefits.

Other routes to financial survival could be to delay retirement if you are working, returning to the workforce if you are not, downsizing your living quarters, and making major lifestyle adjustments. You may no longer be able to pay for your grown kids’ graduate school or weddings. You may decide to keep your house in your divorce agreement, and rent out rooms. You may decide to make ends meet by joining the “gig economy” and, for example, driving for Uber.

Your Home: Who will get the house? Although you may be emotionally attached to your home and its memories, keeping it may not be the best financial solution for you. Selling a home could provide a chunk of income for the years ahead, and living in a smaller home or apartment can reduce your costs significantly.

Women tend to want to get the divorce over with fast, and may not take the time to understand the financial implications. If this describes you, be sure to ask your divorce attorney for help in figuring out the best way to approach your divorce. Divorce financial analyst Aviva Pinto advises women ending a higher net-worth marriage to consider hiring a forensic accountant to ensure all assets are discovered. Pinto told U.S. News, an expert might discover “you’re entitled to a lot more than what he’s put down on paper. Then you’re in a better bargaining position.”

Media Sees Divorce as Entertainment & Humor

November 3, 2016 By Marianna Barbowski

The new HBO show “Divorce,” starring Sarah Jessica Parker, is a half-hour comedy. Dramas about divorce have a long history in film and television: think “Kramer vs. Kramer,” “Scenes From A Marriage”, and “An Unmarried Woman.” Audiences have a huge appetite for drama, and divorce stories provide plenty of it. As novelist Leo Tolstoy remarked, “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” As any family law attorney will tell you, every divorce is different.

But a comedy? “What’s so funny about divorce?” asks the Los Angeles Times. “Marital strife, and infidelity in particular, are practically required of TV dramas aspiring to the “prestige” label,” comments the reviewer. “But making a half-hour comedy charting a breakup over potentially many seasons represents a number of unique creative challenges—not the least of which is how to find the humor in subjects as grim as alimony and custody disputes.”

To which one might answer, have you never heard a single joke about divorce? Poking fun at marriage, marital strife, infidelity and break-ups is a time-honored source of humor in American culture. The divorce jokes may be disconcerting, even bitter, but they elicit willing or unwilling laughter. Google “divorce humor” and you will see countless websites devoted to divorce jokes.

Some divorce mediators maintain that natural, unforced humor or funny stories are keys to relieving stressful emotions and reminding divorcing spouses of their shared humanity, easing the negotiation process. Humor is a powerful tool for managing conflict and reducing tension when emotions are running high. It facilitates communication, and creates a sense of connection that can help people, even divorcing spouses, get past conflicts and take a different view of matters.

A TV comedy about divorce could even help viewers in their own, real situations. “There was a time when we talked about normal lives, and we found all sorts of virtue in those stories,” Parker, who is also an executive producer on “Divorce,” told the L.A. Times. “I was really curious about exploring marriage and everything that meant, … looking for something that was neither fish nor fowl, that sat in a world between comedy and drama. … It was incumbent upon us to find the humor.”

The Advantages of Uncontested Divorces

October 31, 2016 By Marianna Barbowski

There are two kinds of divorce: contested and uncontested, and the kind of divorce you go through will make a big difference in the length, complexity, and cost of the process. In a contested divorce, the parties cannot agree about getting divorced or about the terms of the divorce, such as child custody, division of assets, or alimony.  In an uncontested divorce, the spouses agree on everything and do not need a court to make such important decisions for them. Clearly, the uncontested divorce will be simpler, faster, and less expensive, and it is the way the majority of people in the U.S. get divorced.

You and your soon to be ex-spouse may have a lot of emotions and disagreements about the issues in your divorce, but cooler heads often prevail when both of you consider the costs involved in fighting. “Uncontested” does not mean that both must agree on all the divorce terms, but rather, that both are willing to negotiate and even sacrifice some of their wishes for the good of the entire family. You may need to negotiate for a while, and even go to mediation or hire attorneys to help you reach agreement. In the end, the financial argument for the uncontested process is quite compelling.

Lower costs and a shorter time are the primary advantage of an uncontested divorce, but it has other positive results as well. Among the many advantages of an uncontested divorce is that it takes place in private. Although your legal agreement will be part of the public record, but your disclosures, proposals and negotiations will remain private (divorceinfo.com). Along with your privacy, you will keep your dignity by avoiding a combative stance and public disclosure of your grievances.

An uncontested divorce is less stressful for your children, especially when you can resolve custody decisions together or through mediation. Divorce is confusing and sad enough for your children without having to witness your anger and conflicts.

You may sue for divorce thinking that the proceeding will be uncontested, but discover later that your spouse has decided to contest, or fight, the case. If this happens, you need to consult an attorney; your risks will be much greater if you proceed on your own.

A Trend for Reform in Child Custody Laws

October 27, 2016 By Marianna Barbowski

It’s been about 40 years since the majority of mothers stayed home. Married fathers in the 21^st century spend twice as much time caring for their children as they did in 1975. Today’s trend is to give both parents as much time as possible with their children post-divorce. Divorce law is continually evolving, often in accordance with changing social trends. In the past year or so, 20 states have been considering changes to custody laws to give fathers greater rights to their children following a divorce.

A new, 10-year NIH study found the children who spend more time with their fathers grow up to be healthier mentally and physically, with less depression, anxiety, delinquency or substance abuse problems.

In New York and Washington state, judges are now required to grant equal parenting time unless there is proof that such an arrangement is not in the child’s best interest. Utah’s new law increases the amount of weekly time the non-custodial parent spends with the child, and almost doubles the number of overnights from 80 to 145. Colorado, Florida, Maryland, Massachusetts and Missouri are considering requiring judges to presume that it’s best for children to split their time as evenly as possible between their two parents.

According to the Wall Street Journal, the “National Parents Organization Shared Parenting Report Card revealed that, nationwide, the custody laws in the U.S. do a poor job or promoting shared parenting. These developments coincide with the publication of a study in Sweden that shows the benefits of shared parenting. Last month, researchers found that children that spend time living with both separated parents are less stressed than those that live with just one.

Not all legal observers, however, agree with the growing trend, according to the Pew Trusts. Laws that encourage shared parenting may sound “seductive” to state lawmakers, but they often force families into bad situations, said Maritza Karmely, a professor at Suffolk University Law School in Boston. Bar associations, judges and lawyers have come out against some of the proposals. “A presumption is a pretty radical step,” Karmely said. “That assumes that shared parenting works for most families, and I think that is an enormous assumption.”

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